Reality Check

With graduation coming up, I find myself wondering about the "real world"--what are people like out in the "real world"?

I had a great holiday weekend, part of which was spent at the gun range, which is always an interesting experience, mostly because I am secretly rather proud of the fact that I can say I have shot an AR15 at orange buckets in an old quarry. This shooting range is definitely outside the Chicago metro area, where I am no longer just a few blocks from the Obama residence and there's a big sign that says "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns." That's actually a bad example of a "difference" between me and the rest of Illinois because I actually agree with that sign... but work with me here. Southern Illinois does feel kind of foreign--not "real" almost. Like whoa. But of course it is real...

Then there are the more generally the types people who make me want graduation to come yesterday so I won't have to deal with them anymore. Because obviously, people in the "real world" will be more mature:

I can hold a party without worrying about people breaking my stuff (because I'll never have kids/ be friends with people with kids... and adults are above breaking things and getting drunk, and they always take their shoes, coats and idiocy off at the door).

I won't have to hold anyone's hand to try to set up a meeting or accomplish group tasks (because people will magically learn how to communicate without being arrogant, self-important, flaky or otherwise obnoxiously clueless about how things function... especially in Peru, where I've been told everything takes twice as long to coordinate as I would expect).

I will also never again walk into the kitchen, look at the sink, and want to yell, "You have to rinse the sink out! It looks like somebody threw up in there!".... exactly like my dad seems to do on an almost weekly basis at home.... wait a second...

So basically I am going to keep putting the words "real world" into quotes. People are not going to change. I am not going to change in a lot of ways, either. In short, the "real world" doesn't really exist? Human nature does not magically change just because I have a diploma.

But even knowing that, I still have the feeling that everything is going to change as soon as I throw that absurd hat into the air. I am definitely leaving a University bubble and heading off to another continent--of course everything is going to change! But I can't think of a single thing that will be entirely altered on some fundamental level. There are people who fit into society and function according to various social and economic processes, which they themselves shape. We perpetually run in that circle, in different ways but fundamentally it is somehow the same. Time goes on.

So what's going to change? My gut still says everything, but since that is entirely contrary to all of the logic I've outlined, I'll have to come back to this musing once I have lived in the "real world" for a bit, if that ever happens.

good day

Reading through my journal, which I've been keeping on and off, I sound like I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff more often than is comfortable--that's probably because I usually only journal when I'm in a really bad mood. Mood sampling error. But still, it's depressing to read. So if I'm going to start blogging again, I kind of feel obligated to throw as much good stuff in as possible.

Today is a pretty decent example. My midterm this morning was easier than I thought, and then I had a lovely lunch at the Div School. I came home to find an email announcing my upcoming induction into the Phi Beta Kappa honor society. In the afternoon I went to China Town to read and start a paper while drinking bubble tea and eating appetizers (delicious!). Since it was no longer raining, I went for a run by the lake--I usually walk to the lake shore and back to warm up and cool down, so all together I was gone for an hour, and it was really incredible for some reason. The weather, perhaps. And running is great stress relief--or really a more accurate description of what I do would be not running, but jogging. Slowly. Slogging? I never pass anybody unless they're walking. Ah well. I have crooked legs, leave me alone.

I have now spent the evening happily procrastinating on this paper. I should get back to it. But overall, good day!

Some good news before napping

1. Email from "healthplacement@peacecorps.gov" says:

Congratulations Stephanie and welcome to the Peace Corps! Your place in the Peru program has now been confirmed.

Sweet!

2. I FINISHED MY BA AND TURNED IT IN!!

I suppose the only bad news is that at a few lines short of 48 pages of text, but really 58 if you count the appendices and title page and whatnot, I just killed several trees printing it out. Also, InkJet printers should be recalled for being slow (re: it took literally half an hour to print).

BUT IT'S DONE!! The reality of my upcoming graduation hasn't really hit me yet. Probably because I stared a computer from pretty much 11 am yesterday until 3 pm today with only 4ish hours of sleep in the middle. My eyes are rockin' the druggie look right now.

Now for a nap.

PEACE CORPS!

In keeping with my tradition of only starting to blog again when my life is about to change somehow, here I am to announce the most drastic change so far: I found out on Monday after a very anxious weekend spent watching the mailbox, that I am going to Peru in September as a Water and Sanitation Peace Corps volunteer!

The news is making it rather hard for me to concentrate on my remaining school work, which is especially problematic given that my BA paper is due this Friday at 5. That's in 2 days. Crap! I've technically been working on it all year, but I fell really behind last quarter: I lost some of my work when my computer crashed, then I was sick with mono for a month and tired with mono for a second month, then I did a lot of procrastinating to avoid facing up to the fact that I was, in fact, terribly behind...

I got my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago, too, and then once I could finally eat again, came down with the stomach flu. When I told people about that last bit, some thought I was joking--Because really, who gets the maybe swine flu (yeah, that happened fall quarter...), computer viruses, mono, their wisdom teeth pulled AND then the stomach flu, all in less than a year? It's been quite the cosmic joke, and I think I can honestly say that this academic year has been the worst of my life thus far. At times, I've been way more stressed than I could really handle without cracking--all kinds of drama falling on top of the expected "OMG I'm a Senior, what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?!" anxiety that I think everyone goes through at this stage.

But then, if this is the worst year of my life, I think I must have it pretty good. I'm not dead. Assuming I don't completely f$%k up the next 48 hours, I'm going to graduate with general honors, maybe departmental honors as well if I'm lucky. Finding out about the Peace Corps this week has really made up for some of the stress and craziness. And probably the best part of all the stress is that along the way is that I've gotten a better sense of who my real friends are. The chorus of one of my new favorite songs this year, Motion City Soundtrack's "A Lifeless Ordinary" explains it quite well: "I think I can figure it out, but I'm gonna need a little help to get me through it."

Speaking of getting through it, though, I should get started on pulling off this whole finishing my BA in the next 48 hours deal. I need to stay pumped. I just had a fantastic (really, really fantastic) interview this morning with an NHS board member and general community activist from Auburn-Gresham (although she was also very informative about Englewood, the neighborhood right next to A-G that is actually the focus of my paper). Yes, I am still doing interviews two days before the due date. Hence the "needing to pull this off" mentality... by every law of the universe it shouldn't happen this way, but then, when does the universe ever follow it's own laws?