Vacationing with Katherine this past week was lots of fun and a great break from all the thinking I seem to be doing lately--I visited Viru (my new site) the week prior and that went really well, but I still feel like something isn't a done deal.
We went to Huaraz and hiked around the Llanganuco Lakes (Lake Chinancocha), which was freaking gorgeous (see photo!). The mountains looked like chocolate (or peanut butter fudge where some lighter colored rock was mixed in) and make me feel tiny. We never did find the trail up to the second lake that someone at the hostel mentioned to us, but we did find great views and trees that definitely grew straight out of some Lord of the Rings haunted forest, so I can't complain! We also ate a lot of good food--papas rellenas and tea at the park, but then also some great meals in Huaraz itself. Katherine is officially my good luck charm for trying out random pollo a la brasa and chifa restaurants and finding heaven!
Later in the week we visited the Huaca de la Luna just outside Trujillo, which was pretty interesting. I was surprised how well some of the paintings have been preserved (although I guess I shouldn't be, since they have won awards for the quality of their preservation). The museum nearby, which held artifacts found in huacas, was also really nice, especially compared archeological museum we visited in Huaraz (the mummies were kind of cool and definitely creepy, but it was easy to see why tons of people wrote "falta muchas cosas/missing a lot" under Comments in the visitors book).
And now I have about a week before I head up to Pacasmayo for the marathon/4th of July celebration, before then moving to my new site.
A week to do... what? I intend to do some more planning for my biohuerto project, but I also need to caution the engineers I am working with to slow down a bit--we haven't officially gotten any funding yet and I'm worried that if it falls through they will have wasted time starting things that cannot be finished.
Otherwise, I'm not really sure. Maybe I'll be artsy and finish a few good books. But I also have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do, what I want to get out of my service and where I want to take it from there. So far, I feel like I've largely been paid to travel around Peru every so often (which is better than saying I've been paid to get frustrated in site!). Obviously that is why a site change is necessary. But what do I want to get out of my new site that will make staying here worthwhile?
Even though in the Peace Corps (and probably in life in general, really) it is smart to keep a very open mind and avoid having concrete live-or-die expectations, I feel like I need to outline what it is that I need to find and do in site in order to have a worthwhile experience, because I am realizing that I also have a lot of reasons to leave--I need some way to weigh the pros and cons. I am increasingly convinced that I want to pursue a law degree or public policy masters (or... both! Dual JD/PPM at Stanford?!), and to figure this out I should work for a while as a paralegal. While doing so, I could live in New York and hang out with awesome people there that I miss very much, and of course visit home and all the friends and family in Chicago that I miss very much, and not feel like I'm wasting my time.
I'm pretty sure at this point that there is nothing here in Peru that can help me make up my mind about what I want to do with the rest of my life post-Peace Corps, so the question becomes whether or not I want to delay the figuring out in order to have an experience in Viru. So what does that mean?
Worthwhile work, mostly. A feeling that I'm actually accomplishing something even if it's difficult and slow and frustrating sometimes--like a car that spins out on gravel every so often but still keeps moving forward. Hopefully Viru's much bigger municipality and organized JASS can help with that.
I also have realized that I need to be a lot more integrated into my site in order to be, well, happy. I'm leaving my first site with acquaintances but no one that I really felt particularly comfortable calling a friend. But now that my Spanish is so much better and I know how important it will be to my service, one of my top priorities in Viru will be to "hang out" with Peruvians as much as possible. Ideally I will come up with plenty of good in-site memories to make up for the times I have cursed at apathy or tardiness ("la hora peruana" is definitely not cute anymore!) or "why is this huayno music so f#$%ing loud!?"
My happiness relies not just on the site I find in Viru, but very much on my own shoulders. I can't let one negative experience stop me from exhausting every possible work opportunity and social situation in my new site--that way, if I'm still unhappy, I can be satisfied saying that the Peace Corps just wasn't for me, without wondering whether or not the problem was my own motivation.
In the infamous words of Ferris Bueller, "You're not dying [of boredom], you just can't think of anything good to do!"
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“I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”(William Penn)
During a very difficult time in her life -- the failing health of her husband -- you brought friendship and companionship to your Buena Vista host mom. She opened up to you over the time you spent with her and while it may seem trivial in your eyes, you made a difference in her life. It wasn't the reason the Peace Corps sent you there, but that doesn't mean it wasn't actually The Reason you were there. "You'll always be exactly where you are meant to be, exactly when you are meant to be there." :-)
And while I was digging through my desk drawer to find my favorite Emerson quote to remind you what it means to have success, I found instead this prayer by Archbishop Oscar Romero that you received at the Youth Leadership Awards:
It helps, now and then, to step back and take the long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is another way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession brings perfection. No pastoral visit brings wholeness. No program accomplishes the church's mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about: We plant seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.
So on to Viru! And whatever adventure awaits you there, I am sure you will handle it with compassion, strength, patience, intelligence and grace -- just like every other adventure you've tackled in your life thus far!
I love you dearly!
:) Thanks mom!
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