Trying to Write a Story-Shaped Personal Statement

“I like things to be story-shaped.” The unnamed narrator in Neil Gaimon’s short story, “The Flints of Memory Lane”  (in Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders) begins this way.  He proceeds to describe what he deems a very unsatisfactory ghost story, the only ghost story he has ever lived: he once saw an oddly-dressed woman under a remote street lamp and asked her if she was looking for someone--her only response was a terrifying smile.  He left her there, heart thumping in fear, and turned to find her vanished, leaving him with nothing but the memory of her smile and the terror that followed.  That’s it.  The narrator laments, “I wish there was more...anything that would give some sense of closure to the story, anything that would make it story-shaped...”

The irony is that in claiming he has no story to tell, in great detail, he tells a rather effective story.  It has a ghost, even.  

I, too, like things to be story shaped.  A beginning with a prompt, a middle with some action and perhaps a few plot twists, and an end where finally everything makes perfect sense.  For example...

THE BEGINNING: A young lady goes to high school and gets the grades she needs to go to a prestigious college.  She also develops a passion for service.  People think she’s religious, which isn’t entirely true, but she doesn’t mind--she finds fulfillment in accomplishing things that help others.   

THE MIDDLE: Our young lady does pretty well in college, too, and continues volunteering when she can.  She doesn’t really think about story-shapedness too much--she’s busy studying for midterms and organizing a fundraiser and learning that social services are best performed through grassroots organizing, or leveling the playing field through affirmative action, or holding people accountable, or something. Based on her interests from the beginning, she decides to join the Peace Corps and let everything fall into place from there. 

Cue the adventures and plot twists.   

Things do not go precisely as she plans, of course, but that is part of the adventure, right? (right?!).  One thing leads to the next--abroad, she uncovers the secret to her later life back home.  Her subsequent employment is fascinating and meaningful and step by step she works towards her goals until... 

THE END...she lives happily ever after, filling two clean white pages with the perfectly shaped words to gain admittance to one of the most prestigious law schools in the country.

OK, I lied.  This is not an example of story-shapedness.  It’s supposed to arc nicely from humble beginnings, to heart-wrenching adventure, to “Admitted!  With a scholarship!”  There’s some bullshit packed in around the middle and the end is completely fabricated (to round out the edges, you understand), and it still doesn’t make a good story!  I don’t even have an unsatisfactory ghost to add some excitement!

Apparently the pieces don’t just fall into place, and the real bullshit is trying to make it story-shaped. Back to the drawing table...