There is a numbness that happens down here sometimes. Or I suppose it could happen anywhere, and has probably happened to me before when I spent college writing paper after paper on topics I don't even remember, and will happen to me again when I become the illustrious paralegal slash office bitch, or something. But it feels new every time, and just today I got this idea that being a little numb feels like someone stole the caffeine out of my coffee.
Yesterday I went all the way to Chao—well, I say "all the way" like it is some incredible distance when really it is only half an hour by combi, but going there did mean I did not have time to work out that morning, which makes me grumpy. I was supposed to meet with Juvenal, the environmental engineer I'm working with for the biohuerto in Buena Vista. The day before he had confirmed twice that he would be there. And of course he wasn't. He was in Buena Vista working on the biohuerto and would be there all day, something that continues to puzzle me since the secondary students don't start class until 12:30. What the heck was he doing all morning?! I got to play with Merril's dog instead of finalizing the quiz the students are supposed to take in 2 weeks, which was probably more fun, but not so productive.
And then at 3:00, I met with the Comité de Limpieza Pública in San Jose. My agenda was to do a FODA analysis and read over the survey I wrote (or mostly stole from a manual, one of the several zillion the Peace Corps has given me over the past year). But it was only the presidenta and I—Barrantes from the municipality got a flat tire on his moto, the treasurer was at work, and the rest of the committee has apparently gotten too frustrated with their community's lack of participation that they no longer want to participate, either. We edited the survey a bit and talked about our plans for a street cleaning day with the help of the school (and maybe I will do some charlas with them, too) but I didn't really see the point of doing a FODA activity with only the two of us.
The day was much less productive than I had anticipated, yet it was relatively busy. Besides being angry at Juvenal, I was in a decent mood. Maybe I was just still happy about editing Pasa la Voz, the Peace Corps Peru magazine, starting next week with a probably poorly timed but nevertheless eagerly anticipated trip to Lima. The magazine comes out twice a year, timed with each group's COS (close of service) dates since a good chunk of it is their "profiles"—each volunteer gets a page with pictures of themselves and their answers to some survey
questions about their service.
Whatever the reason, I got home and checked off "stay past January" on my pros and cons list for the first time this week—mostly because I've been neglecting the list. I've realized that if I honestly were going to quit, I probably would have done so a long time ago. But today even my delicious Oxapampa coffee tastes kind of flat and I find myself hoping I'm not settling by staying where I am. But then, there are so many moody ups and downs here that I guess I ought to be a little numb once and a while to balance it out!
I can feel the momentum building in my San Jose project—the obstacles are definitely there, but they are not insurmountable, and that gives me energy. So does the presidenta, Rosalia. Most of her committee quit, but she hasn't given up yet, so neither can I.
2 comments:
I'll tell Aunt Jan to resume plans for her Peru vacation! Yippee!!
I hope you keep up your work. I know it's definitely frustrating when it feels like you're the only one that cares about it, but if you stick with it, by the end you'll realize how many people's lives you've changed.
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